What Would the Bear Do?

We haven't posted lately because, quite frankly, politics has just been a beatdown this year. We've abjured politics and reverted to an earlier stage in our life when college football was all that mattered.

And then it hit us.

What does the Republican Party need right now?

A good halftime talk!

Ladies and gentlemen, please turn your attention to The Bear!



Go get 'em Snake.

Tell About the Southampton

I don't hate the Southampton, I don't hate it, I don't.

EDIT: Banjo, don't recall what series of related video searches led to this discovery, but it appears to have been a creative project by someone who spent more time on lit assignments than I ever did:

"It was for American Literature class, where we had to present on the author that we chose. So I made this movie. It was a good time."

You can click the blue stuff if you want to see all the related tubez.

Kay steps into the ring

Probably no secret that we're not Rick Perry's biggest yell leaders here, but we thought we'd take note of KBH's new video on Texas insurance rates, titled "Texans Can't Afford Rick Perry:"



Perry is, if nothing else, a tenacious campaigner. Many have wondered if Hutchison has the stomach for a head to head contest. This video, coupled with the news that Kay has stolen many of Rick's most important donors, suggests that the fight might actually live up to the billing.

In the words of someone shaping the future of Texas, stay tuned!

Parade of Bitches

Houston's largest dog show - the Reliant Park World Series of Dog Shows

The Reliant Park World Series of Dog Shows from July 16 – July 19, 2009. This year’s special guest will be Stump, the reigning winner of the Westminster Dog Show, so be sure to stop by and say, “Hello!” to the Sussex Spaniel. (Note: Stump will be at the Houston Dog Show on Saturday and Sunday only from 10 AM – 2 PM).

Well, the competition looks pretty stiff, but we still expect our old boy Gen. Beauregard to make a run for Best of Show.

Mayor's Race Heating Up

July 7, 2009

For Immediate Release

Houston - Citing a lack of true leadership in the current field of Houston mayoral candidates, President Joseph Charles of Royalty today boldly declared his candidacy for the November ballot.

“For too long, we have allowed our local leaders to be abducted, have their organs removed, and returned to office as puppets of the global mafia. Though I realize I am jeopardizing my own safety by way of this undertaking, I have never shied away from my aristocratic calling to lead,” said Charles, who has been recognized for his leadership ability by an advanced species of interstellar travellers.

As the actual President of the United States and a volunteer voter registrar for the County of Harris, President Charles brings to the race an unparalleled record of proven public leadership and international knowledge. “I stay on Antoine,” added Charles.

Charles has already assembled an impressive leadership team of respected business and community leaders. Fundraising efforts will be headed by Senator Robert Horton. “I’m spending millionses,” said Horton. Horton expects to tap recources beyond the confines of traditional Houston political circles: “I make monies in every time zone".

Noted journalist and children’s literacy advocate Lady Paula Merry Mayowa-Harrison joins the campaign as Communications Director, bringing a special perspective on race relations between African-Americans and Cajuns. The Policy Team will be led by regional Flooding expert Charles Hixon, a frequent advisor to Harris County Commissioners Court.

In conclusion, Charles stated: “I have in my hand a letter, which has been received by the City Legal Department, which contrary to what has been stated, clearly demonstrates as I”

#30#

Patriotic AND P.C.?

To the Line of Fire! Mexican Texans and World War I, by José A. Ramírez, has won The Calvert Book Prize, “an annual juried award, recognizes the best book manuscript accepted the preceding year by the Texas A&M University Press on the history of the American South, West or Southwest.” The award is named for the legendary and dearly-departed Texas historian Robert A. Calvert.

Haven’t read the book yet, and don’t know much about the award process. But Bob Calvert was a uniquely Texan gentleman, and we expect anything associated with his name to possess a certain quality.

Hopefully, this read will prove more entertaining than the abortion of a season currently being proffered by Bob’s beloved Houston Astros.

Rapture at Below Zero Sea-Level

America's Biggest Megachurches

Rock bands, jumbotron screens, buckets of tears and oodles of money. Meet the next wave of Christian worship.

Tighten Up

Your random Houston musicological song of the day:



Archie Bell says to Tighten Up, and we're pretty sure you should do whatever the hell Archie Bell says. Also, we're trying to figure out what a "Drell" is. Ahh, but it's not that important. Just tighten up.

"KEEP ON THE WATCH!"

The doorbell rang this morning, or at a time that felt like early morning. Naturally, we were too hungover to get up and answer.

Ventured outside some hours later to retrieve something from the war wagon and found a flier tucked into the door, warmly inviting us to a Jehovah's Witnesses convention at the renowned Berry Center.

We know you all would like to go too, so here's the info:

June 26 - June 28 at the The Berry Center.
The meetings start at 9:20 each morning, so we're guessing the numbers 9 and 2 have some sort of snug-fitting apocalyptic significance.

Theme: "HOW CAN YOU SURVIVE THE END OF THE WORLD?"

This might also be useful for hurrakin preparedness. Wait, no, does that mean Ed Emmett and Bill White will be holding press conferences?



*sorry for all-caps, just quoting faithfully.
**"KEEP ON THE WATCH!" is the theme of the 2009/2010 conventions of the Jehovah's Witnesses, (c)2009 Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

The Price of Justice

We previously suggested that the notoriously hard-hitting, cold and objective baseball analyst Richard Justice might occasionally let his coverage be influenced by free chicken tenders in the hospitality suite. We were wrong, and we apologize. Because today, Justice finally named his price:

"I’m still not sure that was Drayton McLane I shared ice cream and cookies with Thursday afternoon during a two-hour chat at Discovery Green. This Drayton McLane said things I’ve never heard him say before."

Holy crap, Richard! I think he really loves you and he really means it this time!

"He spoke of the importance of scouting and player development, of getting younger and of being patient. He seemed to understand that the Astros need to be rebuilt, and this time he wants to do it the right way."

We've heard it all before Justice. We want DETAILS!!! Like, did you two sit inside or out? How was the weather? Did you coordinate outfits or just risk showing up in matching shirts? Did you hold hands? Were there any awkward silences or was it more like that "it's ok to be quiet because you know your with the right person" kind of silence? Who made the first move? I can't believe you two are already talking about the future omg!

Seriously, we're glad you enjoyed your little ice cream date there Richie; we just hope you didn't spill any on the carpet as you crawled out from underneath the table.

The Ducks Done Gone

Alas, we may never find out where they go when the pond freezes:

J.D. Salinger Files Suit Against Sequel

Texas Time

Michael Berry got something right.

I am loving this show: Texas Time

Check it out yall.